My Own Personal Pothole

I love my morning walk. It takes me on a rural road with big hills and farms and trees.

It’s not a heavily traveled road, which is good because there’s a nasty deep pothole at the bottom of a steep hill. It’s very hard to see, but once you hit it, depending on your speed, it can cause some serious damage.

It’s been like this for months…until this morning on my walk I saw it was fixed!

The asphalt fairies must have visited overnight.

I’m probably the only one who thinks this way, but seeing that repaired pothole and knowing damage will no longer be done by it, I started to compare it to my own personal pothole.

My pothole isn’t visible but internal you see.

It was made by hard and awful things like trauma, heartbreak, loneliness, abandonment, and grief.

I spent a large part of my life trying to fix my pothole.

At first, I just covered it up so I wouldn’t have to look at it or even acknowledge it was there. Into the hole went some alcohol, pot, work, men…anything I could find that would keep me from seeing it.

But after awhile, I couldn’t NOT see my pothole. It started rearing it’s ugly head with depression, despair, and hopelessness.

“Look at me, look at me” it shouted.

It wasn’t until I met Jesus, got sober, and met monthly with a therapist and spiritual director that my pothole really started to shrink.

It’s been 10 years of hard work since then. I’ve learned a lot and continue to every day.

My pothole is still there and will be until I leave the earth.

But it is much, much smaller.

In the days to come as I walk by that repaired pothole, I will be reminded of the damage I did to myself and others because of my own personal pothole.

We all have potholes that need filling.

Let’s get to it.